Remember when we use to talk? We were able to solve the world’s problems over an ice cream soda.

What happened to the art of conversation? Now it seems to be texting, tweeting and posting on Facebook – and we talk in acronyms – seemingly a foreign language for many.

What happened to that face-to-face conversation that allowed us to use our senses of seeing beyond the spoken word, hearing the intonations and meaning, touching the outstretched hand, tasting the salty tear on the soft cheek or smelling the freshly laundered shirt?

Conversation is that give and take in exchange of ideas, dreams, and desires. Where is that opportunity for us to swap thoughts – to gain perspective? What happened to us?

Often, in my coaching discussions, the discovery of the client is that he/she has presumed an understanding or intention of the other person. One of my first questions is – how did that conversation go? And the answer is often: “Oh, we didn’t talk…I just know!” Hmmm….interesting!

Stephen Covey’s Habit 5 is: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This is one of my favorite ‘habits’- although, I’m confident I can be very annoying or even frustrating to some! I am sometimes viewed as resistive when I continue to ask questions – so that I can better understand. Yet, how can I understand if I do not question the why and what and how? It is an incredible beginning to understanding.

Relationships often deteriorate because of assumptions or misreading queues. Talking, listening and having courageous, loving, challenging, refreshing, healing conversations are critical to our well being and to our relationships.

Before your next text or tweet or Facebook post – take a moment and consider Habit 5…what would it be like to fully and completely understand the recipients’ point of view – his/her intention? Am I clear? How would my response differ if we had a conversation?

What would it be like to solve this problem over an ice cream soda?

Do you sometimes struggle to get the right words out?

Here is what I am noticing: I often practice, silently – in my head, the words I want to say or the message I want to convey and usually get it ‘just right’. And then, I come face-to-face with the person I want to talk with and all those wonderful words and thoughts seem to evaporate! There is either nothing coming out of my mouth – or it is not at all what I practiced!

I find myself glossing over what I want to express, or maybe emotions get in the way and the meaning is not precisely what I intend. Sometimes, I think the other person gets in the way of what I want to communicate. You know the feeling: they look at you with ‘that look’ and you freeze – or worse, you explode! Maybe I am afraid I’ll hurt their feelings. Maybe I am afraid they will hurt mine…

Communication is tough and yet it is how we interact in this world of ours. One would think we would be experts!

Here is what I have learned – When I communicate ‘authentically’, not only is my message heard, but also I realize that I listen with genuine conscientiousness.

What does it mean – authentic communication? It is a real connection to others. It is being genuine, true, sincere, honest, frank and open. In order to BE this with others, I must first BE authentic with myself. I must clear my filters – the barriers and prejudgments of what is getting in the way.

As I am practicing what I will say to (or ask of) another person, I must do so from the place of dignity and respect; from honesty and gratitude; from innocence. I must see ‘me’ for whom I really am, authentically, and see the other person from this place as well.

The risk? Becoming open and welcoming to allow the other person into my world. Permitting myself to be seen as who I really am, in that moment – to see what is true right now.

This may mean some silence – perhaps awkward silence – as many of us are uncomfortable with this form of communication. Yet, silence in the moment of authentic communication can say so much – would you agree? Silence gives our minds a chance to ‘digest’. And, when we allow the mind to absorb from the place of dignity and respect; from honesty and gratitude and innocence, we experience the person (and message) as whole and complete.

Authenticity – it is what makes the entire communication experience flow.

Do you remember the story The Little Engine that Could?

It is a wonderful tale of a little engine who was the last hope to pull a train over the mountain – a train full of toys and good things to eat for little boys and girls. Do you recall how the Little Engine said she was ‘not very big’ and ‘used only for switching trains in the yard’ and had ‘never been over the mountain’? All the reasons she was not the engine for the job.

And yet, if she didn’t try, she would never know and the children would be without the good food and fun toys.

She hitched herself to the train, she said over and over: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! She tugged and pulled and she pulled and tugged. Then ever so slowly the train began to move. She puffed and chugged always saying: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Then faster and faster she went – finally reaching the top of the mountain! And down the train travelled – arriving at the city on the other side of the mountain. She delighted the boys and girls with wonderful food and dolls and toys. The Little Engine then seemed to smile and say: I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could!

Why share this story with you?

How often have you been faced with a challenge, and obstacle or a new adventure and you quickly identified reasons why you were not right or ready for the task? Isn’t it interesting how hastily you can pinpoint all the reasons something won’t work?

And yet – all that we desire is just on the other side of the mountain!

What does it take for us to hitch up to our dreams and goals – to tug and pull and pull and tug?

Will you allow yourself the privilege of believing you can? I believe in you and in your dreams and in your goals. Like the toys who cheered and encouraged the Little Engine – I am here, encouraging, supporting and partnering with you as you travel over your mountain.

Together, we can put your train on the right track. We will hitch your dreams and goals to an action-plan engine. You will move forward – slowly at first, gaining momentum to boost you over the top. You will realize the joy of achieving what you once thought unattainable.

I know you can…I know you can…I know you can! The question is – Do You Believe?

Have I told you lately what a privilege it is for me to be your coach?

Now is your time! It is your moment to become open to the possibilities of what could be. You have been looking at where you have been and now you are ready to move forward. How great is it that you are willing to cross that border from yesterday – taking all you have learned – into tomorrow.

What will you continue to do, as you have seen so many successes? What will you do differently, to enhance your journey? What new dreams and goals would you like to create and see through to reality?

As your coach, it is my great joy to support your dreams. Together, we will explore what brings you joy and fulfillment. You will see potential and promise to a rewarding and satisfying life. As you discover nuances and gentle shifts in behaviors and actions, you will experience the reality of excitement and enthusiasm in living the life you’ll love. Together, we will clarify your specific goal(s) into small, sweet, authentic actions that take you step-by-step to fulfilling your life’s purpose. And we will celebrate each success along the way.

You see, I know that you are a hero – a champion of your life’s vision. I know you have the answers to the questions that you sometimes think are holding you back. My purpose, as your Coach, is to ask those questions and support you in articulating the answers buried in your heart; to ease the conversation – to support you in bringing forth the words and create the actions to live the dream.

That, my dear friend, is why it is such a privilege to be Your Coach! I see where you are heading; I see the contributions you will make; I see that you are someone to be treated with dignity and respect. I am fortunate to be allowed into your space as you continue to create the wonderful being you are. Now is your time!

Spring is a wonderful time of renewal. I often think of each change of season as a fresh canvas on which to begin to paint the rest of my story! I particularly enjoy that first day of Spring – shedding the winter blues, the cold and sometimes the isolation that winter brings. I look forward to the smell of fresh grass, planting new flowers, watching the trees produce the first buds of the season and waking to the sound of chirping newborns in the trees outside my bedroom window. How special is it that we are given a new morning to refresh our spirit.

Another new beginning! Another day to do what brings me hope and joy! This is yet another wonderful opportunity for us to revisit the ‘I will’ statements that guide us along this incredible journey we call Life.

I will worry less – easy to say; however, sometimes challenging in practice! If I worry less, what is it I am doing more? Worry is, according to Merriam-Webster, to think about problems or fears. When I choose to worry less – I choose calmness, certainty, sureness, confidence. Yes, I choose confidence! Much better than worry, wouldn’t you agree?

Stress less, let’s see how this is defined: a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc. Interesting! When I choose confidence over worry, it makes sense that my stress would be less! There would be ease and relaxation. So far, I like these ideas. Are you with me?

Hurry less is the next ‘less’ I am willing to do without. To hurry is: to move, act, or go quickly. With less hurry, there is more calm, quiet, rest and slowing. Are you seeing a pattern here? I am!

With less worry, stress and hurry in my day, I’ll experience more calmness, certainty, confidence, relaxation, quiet and rest. That sounds like a great beginning to a day – or season – or life.
This certainly opens to door to more laughter and merriment, to more prayer and spirituality and to more hugs and cuddles.

Now, the $100,000. question – how do I accomplish these brilliant ways of ‘being’?

The first step is become aware of the worry, stress and hurry. Once I am aware the question to ask is this: What is more interesting? Worry or confidence; stress or ease; hurry or calm. The answer to each is simple and now step two is to shift the focus of my attention to what is more interesting. To look to where I am heading – what is the object of my fascination that draws me toward laughter, prayer and hugs?

That is much more interesting! I choose to welcome this Spring Season with the embrace of what is possible. And, all things are possible when we choose ‘I will’.