Today is Veteran’s Day – November, 11, 2016. A day when flags are flown, heroes alive as well as those now gone are celebrated, federal, state and local business close, restaurants and businesses have give-aways and discounts for the military and their families. A day to speak the words: Thank you for your service to those who answered the call to defend our country and our freedom.

This year, 2016, Veteran’s Day has a deeper ring for me – and for many Americans.

Just a few days ago, we learned the outcome of an incredibly contentious and uniquely historical presidential election. Our President-elect is business mogul, Donald J. Trump. His opposition was the first woman ever nominated to run for President: Hillary R Clinton. The campaigns were run quite differently and the two candidates, as well as the two political parties and the citizens of the United States, often clashed in values, principle, temperament, background, promises, experience, hope/fear, policies…the list of differences seems endless. The outcome was shocking to most Americans – while the polls continuously showed Mrs. Clinton in the lead – on election night, Mr. Trump held to a solid lead in the electoral count. He won – she lost. Just that simple!

Or is it?

In the few days following this elections, the American people are a divided people. There are demonstrations in the streets of major cities. Elementary school teachers are faced with students in fear their parents will be deported and there will be no more family. Middle school students are chanting ‘build the wall’ in the school cafeterias – terrifying classmates of Hispanic descent with the possibility of the government deporting their family members. High school students are burning flags, protesting at school, marching down hallways chanting ‘president-elect/not my president’. Social media is a frenzy with inappropriate pictures and comments of both Clinton and Trump. Long-time friends are ‘un-friending’ and blocking each other.

We have created a state of fear. I do not believe the actions and or comments would be much different had Mrs. Clinton become the President-Elect. So, it is not necessarily who won the election. It is the unrest, the fear, the dissolution we have allowed to fester. Seems America is a pressure cooker – about to burst.

You may ask: What in the world does this have to do with Veteran’s Day, or with Life and Leadership Coaching?

Two words: Fear and Gratitude.

When our military are called to deploy, to defend our country, to protect the citizens and our Constitution – there is fear. Will they come home safely, will they keep us safe, how will we take care of everything while they are gone, what will it be like for us when the mission is completed…

The gratitude is when they come home, or the mission is complete, or we have answers to the many haunting questions and have regained a sensation of at least some control in our lives.

It really is not so different in coaching. The fear is the unknown, the ‘what if’s’ that hold us back. It is often fear that causes us to lash-out at others, as the lashing-out seems to give us the false sense of ‘control’. And after all – aren’t the unknowns and the what if’s and the lack of control the root of many of our fears? So, when we regain some control (or at least a sense of influence and we acknowledge that we are doing the best we can) the fear naturally shifts – even if just a bit – and in its place, we have the choice to fill the space with an awareness of gratitude.

Veterans – I am grateful for your service, for your sacrifice, for keeping my family and my country safe and strong. Thank you!

Fellow Americans – I am grateful for our diversity, for our constitutional rights – many call privileges, for our responsibility to vote for our leaders. We are not all going to agree on who or how or what; nevertheless, can we all agree that fear begets fear and that being frightened, worried, anxious or in panic is NOT the way of American? It is not the way of the future we see for ourselves, our children or generations to come? Can we all be grateful, look forward to change as well as some status-quo so our leaders ‘get it right’ for our country.

There is a greater good – it’s called the United States of America. Let us be smart and strong balanced with grateful and compassionate. Is there not a way, today, as we celebrate the brave men and women who say: Not on my watch!

Fear or Gratitude…..where do you prefer to live?

One of the most powerful questions I learned in Coach Training is this: Have you had enough?

It is the one that caused me to really stop and think about what I was complaining or whining or being cantankerous about. Have I had enough? Hmmmm…so, what my Coach was asking me, really, is Are you ready to do something about it?

You see, all the grumbling about my lot in life was taking me nowhere! Oh, sometimes it made me feel better – just being the victim of my circumstances; however, that feeling never lasted and I normally wallowed even deeper after my commiseration!

So – have I had enough…enough whining, worrying, being cranky and grumpy…that is what she was asking me! Because, until I had had an adequate amount of that, I would not be willing to actually look at what was in my way of making progress toward the life I wanted to live! And until one looks truthfully at what is getting in the way, one cannot take any action to do something about it!

If I continued to allow myself the pity-party, I would remain in that place of gloom and doom.

What you allow is what will continue!

I have had enough!

I am ready and willing to set aside the complaining and whining and being cantankerous. I am no longer willing to allow the negativity to hold me down.

When I give myself permission to look forward and create the masterpiece I call ‘my life’, my frame of mind shifts! The space around me is open, airy and light. So much more vibrant! Wow! Who knew?

I see possibilities and ideas and potential and promise! The fog of negativity is lifted and the path to follow seems much more clear. So now, I wonder: IF what I allow is what will continue – – does that mean, IF I allow opportunity, success, clarity and joy – will that continue? Yes – it really does work both ways.

Who knew? Coach knew! Thanks, Coach, for asking: Have you had enough?

Have you ever experienced ‘one of those days’ when nothing seems to be going right and everyone you encounter just seems to be there to push your buttons!

I travel quite a bit for both business and pleasure. Air travel can be – well, challenging at times! Seems there is usually a delay of some type. I never know if what I hear from the airlines is the actual truth, or if it is the best reason-of-the-day excuse. Nevertheless, I am at the mercy of the ‘friendly skies’ and my plans are often disrupted. Since there is little I can do, as I do not have the ability to fly without the plane and pilots, I must make the best of the situation and I notice I have become very flexible in my travel plans!

So, here is a situation that I recently encountered.

I was delayed at my home-base, on my way to a business then pleasure trip. The airlines kept delaying the first flight – 20 minutes, then another 60 minutes; then a cancelled flight. So, down to the recheck line I go. Now, this was a very full flight and by the time I gathered my belongings and made my way to re-ticket, the line snaked around the check-in area and looked like I was in for about a 90 minute wait. I must say, I was already fatigued from arriving early and waiting for my day-long trip. To stand in line for over an hour and then likely be sent home to do this all over tomorrow was a less than enticing thought!

As we normally do, when waiting in line, conversations emerge about changed plans, frustrations over high-prices and no guarantees; missed meetings; cranky children (and adults!)…

Here is what I noticed: yes, we are all a bit irritable about the cancelled flight; yes, we like to make certain everyone knows how put-out we are and how crucial it is that our plans are not disrupted; yes, we want to be sure everyone knows how we’ll never fly this airline again; yes, how no matter what my story is – your story is better, bigger or more important! Interesting how even though we are all in the same line, for the same reason, we still feel the need to sure make our displacement in the world order is felt by everyone else in the same line!

I know that, for myself, should I become caught-up in the downbeat conversation, I too will become ornery and keep this squeaky wheel turning. And, I also know that trying to help my fellow travelers dismiss or put out of their mind the predicament we are all in would possibly lead to ejection of me from my place in line! My alternative was to empathize, listen, inquire and do a lot of smiling! I am not certain my responses were much appreciated – but I did notice that if folks wanted to pull me in and could not, there were many others in line who would gladly commiserate with them! I was able to strike-up a reasonably positive chat with the fellow behind me and that certainly moved the line more quickly for me.

Finally, it’s my turn at the ticket counter! I placed my identification and now cancelled ticket on the counter for her. Without really looking up at me, she took my information and began searching her computer for re-booking options.

As lightly as I possibly could, I greeted the attendant by name: Hi Lindsay! I’ll bet this wasn’t exactly your plan for the day today! I’m so glad you decided to come to work. If you like, just pretend you are looking at re-booking me – take a couple of long deep breaths – think about how great a soak in the tub tonight and maybe a glass of wine will be – it’s okay – take another breath – I’m good to wait a couple of minutes for you!

I have to tell you – when the ticket attendant looked up at me, she was really smiling! She actually looked more relaxed. She looked me straight in the eyes and said: Thank you! I really needed that! She took another breath and then was so apologetic about the cancelled flight and the delay. She was ready to search out alternative flight schedules for me – and it didn’t seem to be any bother at all! Once we had the re-booking all worked out, I thanked her and encouraged her to take one more moment for herself. Take another breath, I said. You are doing great and you’ll be a great help to the rest of the folks in line. It’s good you came to work today!

I gathered my new tickets (for the next day’s flight) and my identification and my bags. As I stepped away from the counter, I heard Lindsay say to the next guest: I’m so sorry for your delay – let’s see what I can do to help you get on your way!

Yes, I think a few kind words made a difference – at least they did for me and Lindsay!

What a glorious day! Have you ever experienced one of those days when you just knew it was going to be spectacular? I think when we are aware and sense the signs of things to come; we look forward with certain anticipation. Then, good things come our way!

Let me share with you how this happened for me today.

I had an early rising – even before the sun- so that I could be at my volunteer job a bit early to help with the big event. You see, I volunteer at a Veterans Center and today we are acknowledging Patriot’s Day with the community donating food and personal items for our military families and veterans. So, I am the only person at the Center front desk. I wanted to be sure I had all the details for the day as I would be on my own.

Coffee was so delightful to start my day! As I headed out my driveway, a school bus passed, the driver was rocking to the music and he gave me a big wave. Someone else is having a good day!

About 5 minutes into my drive, I spotted a hot-air balloon floating so gracefully surrounded by billowy white clouds. You know, it just made me smile! I took a deep breath and recalled the wonderful experience I had several years ago in Sedona AZ., when my sisters and I celebrated my birthday floating over the Red Rocks.

As I continued my drive, I came upon a bit of road repair – pot-hole and resurfacing. Now this is rush hour, on a highway. What I noticed is how the drivers seemed to take it in stride and we continued to flow traffic in an orderly and patient manner.

A few miles ahead, I am in awe of the splendor of Pikes Peak – standing so regal, the sun brilliantly reflecting off the Fall mountainside. Sometimes I just want to pull into a parking lot or off on a side street to take in this magnificent view!

And now I am driving through town, nearly to my destination with only a few more stop lights ahead. Stopped at a light, I watch as the workers with Starbucks and lunch bags and computer bags in tow, hustle off in their morning routines. Patiently waiting for the light to change, I am once again caught breathless – in awe of the beauty and splendor. A flock of about 15 geese – in a V formation – gently lift off from the pond I just passed! They were only about 10 feet over my car and I could hear them honking to cheer their leader on!

Does it get any better than this? I have not even arrived at my destination and already, what a magnificent day!

I must be truthful with the remainder of my story! I am so grateful for the wonderful drive to the volunteer center – as I needed to pause and reflect on the beautiful morning several times throughout the day.

I was incredibly busy in answering calls and directing our veterans and military families to the site for picking-up their boxes. I was so blessed to have the privilege of talking to them and thanking them for their service and sacrifice. They were so grateful to the community for supporting them – not only in service to our country, but also with the incredible donations of food and personal items.

I could have become very flustered with all the activity and no one at the Center to support me. The veterans and military could have been very frustrated at needing to make calls, get directions and make an extra stop. None of this happened. There was simply a sense of gratitude, appreciation, support, kindness and joy.

Are you ready for a spectacular day? Are you willing to become aware and awake to sense the signs of things to come? Make it a glorious day!

I talk with many people who seem to have put their dreams on ‘hold’ – some have been doing this for such a long time that they have actually forgotten the dream. When we open up to talk, I often hear comments such as: Wow! I actually forgot about that; or, I don’t know where that dream got lost.

And many times, people will dismiss their dreams because they feel they may not have a good reason to peruse them. The excuses are numerous – as if someone must ‘justify’ a dream.

News flash!!!! A dream is simply of vision of what could be! It is there to awaken you to something new, fresh, inspiring, exciting…a possibility! And, what is wrong with that?

Here is what I see when people talk about their dreams: energy is high, voice is excited, posture is forward and inviting, gestures are animated, breathing is deep and full, eyes are bright – sometimes misty with the passion and there is a clear presence of hope. What could ever cause us to put this delight on hold?

What is the voice inside our head chattering about? Is that what is holding us back? Do I really need a reason to entertain this dream-vision I have? Who decides if it is not good enough or if it’s frivolous or wasteful or if I’m too old to be thinking this way? After all … it IS my dream!

Now here, as I see it, is the problem with dreams: until I take action and actually DO something, they remain, well, dreams! They get put on hold or forgotten or lost.

What if you worked that dream – you put clarity around it – you mapped out a plan of action? What would that be like? And then, what if you had someone to celebrate each small, sweet step you took toward realizing it? How would that be for you?

One of the meanings of the word dream is this: A condition or achievement that is longed. So, if it is something that is “longed” – isn’t it about time you began to fulfill that longing with authentic actions?

Would you allow me the privilege of helping you become clear on your dreams and, together, create small sweet actions to take you forward? Would that be okay with you?