There are times when I seem to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don’t understand why these things continue to happen to me. Or what is getting in the way of my success. I feel out of sync with who I think I am – or who I am trying to become.

Does that ever happen to you?

I have a wonderful little ‘pity-party’ – – but that doesn’t seem to help. At least not for very long! So, I mope around for a bit and then finally it hits me: I’m encased with ‘stuff’ that is no longer serving me. The weight of the world that I am feeling is really ideas, beliefs, people or practices from my previous life experiences which are no longer relevant!

Why do we hang on to all that has-been? You know what I mean – – when we do what we’ve always done, the saying goes, we’ll get what we’ve always gotten!

Is it possible for me to release this stuff that is no longer serving my needs, wants and desires? What if I did that? How would that be?

Let’s look at a few things we can let go!

That stack of business cards from networking events … for people I will likely never call, our businesses do not mesh.

The books and magazines on my shelf I will never read.

The clothes in my closet that no longer fit and are out of style. The shoes that are scuffed and worn.

The fear of picking up the phone to make a coffee date with someone I’d like to get to know or who may be a business connection – possibly a new client!

The trinkets that I continually need to dust around – and can’t even remember where they came from or why they were once important!

Here is what I am willing to let go: the guilt I feel – the fear of change – the excuses – the justification – the misplaced rational.

And for what, then, have I room in my life? Space! I have opened a place to fill with the freedom and opportunity to assert my personal identity and fulfill my personal needs!

Once I engage the courage to let go – I create the possibilities of wonderment of what is yet to come!

What is it that you see would open that space for you? What are you willing to let go? Start small – with things you see in front of you and then experience the freedom and openness of where you are.

Next, choose something a bit larger to let go. Notice the breathing room you create in your life! The weight is shifted and all is well! Celebrate each letting go.

Shift the focus of your attention to the open freedom and anticipation of better things to come!

This quote reminds me of one of my favorite authors – Stephen Covey. In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, this is Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

It also brings to mind a training class I took several years ago in which the visual was a stick-figure who was shouting through a megaphone. And the message was directed to another stick-figure who was listening through many filters. The third picture showed the two figures with their backs to one another and the emotions of confusion, frustration, discouragement and borderline anger.

Have you ever seen two stick-figures angry with each other? Quite a sight, I’m telling you!

What about two individuals in confusion, frustration, discouragement and near anger? I think we have all had that experience!

Communication. Why is it that when we see or hear that word, we immediately go to the vocal area of communication? It only takes a few more seconds for communication to move into ‘evaluation and response’ mode. This, dear friends, is where the communication path becomes challenging. We are so quick to formulate a response; we have likely not even heard what is being said!

What is getting in the way of the art of listening?

For most of us, when we speak we want to be heard and we want our message understood. Right? And, when we are not speaking – we are expected to be listening. Seems simple enough; however, we are listening with our filters. We are listening from our own personal perspective. These are the experiences, what has influenced our lives and our understanding of how life operates. It is our frame of reference and it is what we ‘know’. And then, our minds (liking to be busy) begin to formulate a response based on our filters.

The problem is: have you really heard the message? Did you hear the ‘underlying’ message, the meaning, the intention, the unsaid, and the conversation from the speaker’s point of view? IF you were formulating your response, you likely missed the message!!

How does one intentionally communicate – for genuine understanding? What is really involved in: Seek first to understand?

Intentional listening involves these five steps:

1. Be Present; give the speaker your undivided attention
2. Be Open; consider different perspectives and ideas
3. Be Observant; perceive emotions behind the words and respond to the emotion as well as the words
4. Be Quiet; silence allows breathing space and calm and time for reflection
5. Be Certain; restate your understanding and ask clarifying questions.

It really is about how you are intending to BE as a communicator!

Communicate in the capacity of understanding what another person is experiencing from within the other person’s frame of reference, with attention and the willingness to fully engage in the exchange, to listen actively, absorb the point(s) and to seek understanding.

One final thought from Ralph G. Nichols: “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

Seems now is the time everyone is looking forward to the changing of the calendars. Are you ready for a New Year? Ready for what wonderful things 2017 may have in store for you?

Sometimes, we find it challenging to let go of what has been – but it is interesting that, for most, turning that calendar page from December 31 to January 1 is something that is viewed with giddy anticipation! We actually look forward to a new day – a new year – another chance to ‘get it right this time’!

Just what is it about flipping that page that seems to give us a ‘fresh start’? And, what more do we actually do to engage in this brand new day, month, year? Just turn the calendar page and assume things will be different this time?

There is a saying: If I do what I’ve always done, I’ll get what I’ve always gotten! Hmmm…I’m thinking that just changing the date is not exactly going to do the trick!

And yet, the future is an open book, with many unwritten chapters. What if I could write the next chapter and create the ending I want to see? Oh wait! I can!! That is what is changed this year. I see that doing my life in a way that is not the same as I did my life in the past will likely bring me a different result! Rather than a ‘do-over’ I want a ‘do-new’.

What does that take?

Let’s presume that you want to live a life of meaning and relevance – that you want to be a contribution to someone or something – that you want to leave a footprint that says: It matters that I was here. If that is the truth, then the first order of business for this New Year is to determine, with clarity, exactly what has meaning and relevance for you! Is it to be a loving family member, to be financially successful, to be a contribution to your community, to be physically fit and healthy….Just what is important to you?

Once uncovered, those intentions will be the focus that steer your course through each calendar day and month to December 31, 2017. Intentions become the chapter titles in the book of 2017 that you are writing. And, within each written chapter, you are filling the pages with how you are being that intention – everything you do is a reflection of who you are in that intention. It will be better than what you imagined.

What are your intentions? What do you want to be remembered for? What is it that when you are being that person, your heart is warm and spirit is full? What will your chapter headings say about you?

So, what are you waiting for? There are books to write – the book of “This is your life, 2017!” is waiting!

We are in the thick of the holiday season and while it is one of my most favorite times of the year, I realize that I do not always feel this way and I’m not alone!

Then, I ask myself: How can people not be merry and jolly and loving and grateful during this season?

Is it possible people are overwhelmed? Maybe caught up in unrealistic expectations or intense soul-searching or comparison thinking? Has ‘the way it’s always been’ become more than we can (or want) it to be now? Did someone we love, someone close to us leave and now there is an empty place at our table? Has the commercialism of the season become more than we can financially bear – yet, keeping up with the ‘Jones’ is still the expectation….

Maybe we just have this lonely or sad experience for a day, a few days or a week. Maybe it is the way we now journey mark the calendar from November to January.

I can only tell you my story – because we each do have a story to tell. Yes, this is one of my most favorite seasons.

I love the smells of holiday baking and cooking. I delight in going through my cookbooks, looking for the perfect holiday dinner and desserts and treats. I am completely energized in the planning phase! I count back the days until I need to have my baked goodies packaged and ready for mailing. I create my grocery list, checking everything off several times – and still, I need to make additional runs to the store.

While we no longer put up a live Christmas tree – I still love the scent of pine, of the cold and crisp air that comes with the Colorado snow. I even enjoy the scent of the furnace when it comes on for the first time of the year. And the candles, oh the cinnamon, pine, and mistletoe wax burning aromas!

And the sounds of the season – the Christmas carols (I do wait until after Thanksgiving to play these!), the sounds of snow shovels on the drive ways and walks, the kids sliding their way to school on the icy sidewalks. The stillness of the world late at night when snow is silently floating to earth.

I delight in the sights as well. The twinkling of thousands of lights decorating neighborhoods bathing the world in warmth. Green wreaths accented in bright red ribbons placed on doors and light posts. Pathway lighting that flickers as if they are candles fluttering in the breeze. And the children – particularly those who are anticipating the arrival of Santa. The innocence of the little ones as they experience the delights in their world.

And then – the stress or sadness or loneliness sets in. Sometimes, it can only be described as ‘the blues’.

I am tired. I feel empty. Expectations seem to overwhelm me. I can’t do it all – and worst – I don’t want to! I miss my family who are many miles away. They are celebrating together, and I am here. I miss my Dad, who is no longer on this earth and I can’t talk to him or hear his laughter or seek his advice. I don’t have enough money to shower my kids and grandkids with gifts. I don’t want to go out into the crowds of people celebrating with family and friends. If I watch another Hallmark movie I think I’ll become nauseous!

What is it? This dark cloud that has encapsulated me? Where is the Merry Christmas now? What is it that everyone is so in high spirits about? Can’t they see I am suffering? What am I going to do now?

Whatever my (or your) reason for not being merry it is my (or your) reason and my (or your) reality!

And, here’s the thing – I live there, for a little while. I think we all do. And, for me, the important thing is to see that I am dwelling in a place that is stressful or sad or lonely. That is not where I want to be – not during this season or ever – for very long.

So, becoming aware of it and then shifting to what is more important, to what has meaning for me in my life, is much more appealing. I don’t like being sad or the numbness of being lonely or feeling stress. That is not how I want to be or be known!

My intentions are to be a loving family member (even hundreds of miles away); to be a contributor to my community (delighting in my volunteer work); to be a masterful coach (supporting others in their life’s journey); to be spiritually developing (living the real meaning of this season).

When I become aware of what is getting in the way of my joy and shift the focus of my attention to the Intentions of my life – I have a purpose! I make a difference! It is important that I participate in the best way I can with my life. Set aside the stress, the sad, the lonely and the ‘blues’. I will take one small, sweet step in life.

Christmas may not be merry for everyone – I know that sometimes it’s not for me. Nevertheless, I am armed with good intentions and when I do the things that fulfill my purpose here, the merry returns.

Do you know your Life’s Intentions? Do you know what a difference you make? Are you willing to discover what has real meaning and relevance in your life and begin to live the life you were meant to live? Are you ready to put at least a little merry back in Christmas?

Why is it that we often think we are weak when we seem to fail? Don’t we need to fail in order to succeed?

When you hear someone say what a ‘failure’ they are, or how ‘weak’ they feel, what do you see?

I see someone who is acknowledging that there is more to life than the current experience. I hear them say: There has to be more to life than this! And, I hear them reaching out. That, my friends, is courage!

No one ever said we have to do this life alone. In fact, we are social beings – just like the lion. He is not meant to travel alone. No, Lions are a social group, called a pride. As humans, once we get past the arrogance definition of the word pride, we come to the satisfaction and self-respect meaning of the word.

Courage is the self-respect, dignity and honor side of pride. It is seeing that I may not be where I want to be and taking a small, sweet step to move forward. Sometimes, it is saying “I am sorry.” Sometimes, it is saying “I forgive you.” And, more often than not, it is saying “I forgive myself.” We are not a perfect being – thank goodness! We are flawed, we will fail, and we will make mistakes. What is important is how we ‘show-up’ to those failures!

How do you show up?

Are you filled with arrogance, conceit, self-importance? How has that been working for you?

Or, are you filled with disappointment, let-down and collapse? Again, how has that been working for you?

What if, instead, you acknowledge the value in seeing the flaw; appreciate the opportunity to learn and grow; recognize that you are a person – whole and complete – with the power to put into action steps that will bring the success you seek. What would that be like?

Will it be easy to ‘show-up’ seeing all the good that is possible? Perhaps not; nevertheless, will you?

Will you hear the little voice that says “I’ll try again tomorrow”? Are you willing to ask for and accept the support of others who want to see your successes, who are willing to walk next to you in your journey?

While the path may not seem easy, it can be travelled with ease. Look around – really look – see the people in your corner who are ready, willing and able to be there for you – with you.

Showing up to failures – it takes bravery, guts, nerve…it takes courage!