Sometimes, when I feel ‘stuck’, I come back to these three simple rules. When I am truthful with myself, I clearly see that my stuckness is, in fact, my failure to move forward!
Rule #1. IF you do not GO after what you want, you’ll never have it. Well, that makes sense. What do I expect – it to just drop from the sky for me? That has not been working so well! What does it mean: GO after what you want? For me, it means first to be very clear about the ‘it’. To define, visualize, write it down, share with someone who will encourage me, do something physical to move toward to the it. Once I see the it in physical reality, I know that I am taking an action – doing the GO – to make it happen.
Rule #2. If you do not ASK, the answer will always be NO. That is pretty clear. This rule is all about possibilities. One of my favorite questions is this: What would it be like if… Now, the problem with that is most often people go straight to the negative (all the hard or bad things that could happen and why it won’t work). I think it is important to get those off-putting conversations out of the way. You know, all the reasons/excuses as to why what you want can’t happen or won’t work. And when that inventory of reasons/excuses is exhausted – my next comment is: All that being said…what IF…what are the possibilities IF you did (whatever it is you want to do)… Who could you ask about… Now we are talking about what could be and beginning to broaden our vision to those who may well be a contribution. Even practicing aloud what the questions might sound like!
Rule #3. If you do not STEP FORWARD, You’ll always be in the SAME Place. Here it comes…but it’s too hard or too big or too much… How great is it that what you are doing is big! Perhaps your journey seems long, hard or big. That is okay! When we are up to something ‘big’ it is something that has meaning and relevance in our lives. It matters! So, how do we get out of the stuckness that is keeping us in the same place? Oh my friend, we move forward one small, sweet step at a time. It is taking that big idea, dream or vision and creating small, sweet goals or targets. And by small, I mean something you can take action (do) in just a few hours or a few days. The secret to this rule is to see a success and acknowledge your accomplishments along the way!
Let me pull the Three Simple Rules together and give you an example: have you ever been around a baby learning to GO from crawling to walking? She likely rocked back and forth, finally pulling herself up with the help of a table or chair or pet dog! Do you recall how determined, yet perhaps frightened she looked up at you as if to ASK – how does this work? I see others doing it and I want to do it, but it looks so hard! With each tiny, unsteady STEP, did you not smile, maybe clap, and somehow encourage this wee tot to keep going? Did the baby walk across the room the first time she stood on her own? Probably not! She took one step, then another, and another. She most likely fell many times! And, she got back up and tried again. Did you take her little hands and help her balance? When she took two or three steps (even with your help), did you celebrate her? And now, a few months – or years later – is she walking on her own – maybe even running?
All this after clearly seeing where she wanted to GO, she reached out to ASK for support or help and then she began to move FORWARD, taking a few small, sweet steps! What makes your idea, dreams, and vision so different from this little one’s goal?
Do you sometimes wish there was someone who could wave a magic wand and everything would be fixed – just the way you want?
Have you ever wondered who was ‘out there’ to walk with you through your problem?
I have found there are many, many people I know who would be honored to support me when I am facing one challenge or another; however, I feel I don’t want to ‘burden’ them. I don’t want them to know my struggles. I fear they might think less of me for not being able to solve whatever is ailing me. It’s hard to ask for help…
Does this sound familiar to you?
And yet, when someone does ask me for support, for ideas, for another perspective – well, I am honored to be asked! I think they value my opinion. They trust me! What a privilege to be able to walk with another through their life’s journey!
Interesting – I like to support others, yet I fail to give others the opportunity to support me! This seems somewhat selfish of me.
What if, when someone asks: Are you okay? you respond: I’m okay, and I could use some support (advice, guidance, a shoulder, an opinion…) from you. What would that be like? Think about it. When you ask if someone is okay don’t you already have an idea that something might be wrong? Aren’t you already willing to listen, or help? I know I am!
So, what if – just maybe – they are noticing something in you in which they would like to lend a hand? Are you willing to allow them the privilege of facing your problems with you?
Do you find yourself caught-up in that vicious circle of ‘getting what you have always got’? Does your life continue to play that same broken record?
Sometimes, do you feel as if there is no reason to talk or act. Do you just seem to hit that rewind button on your life and here you go, again? Different day, but same story.
I can’t get to where I am going; I am constantly in where I have already been! What is it about life that seems so difficult for me to master? Are you are expert in stuck-in-a-rut?
Is it possible that you have yet to reflect and learn from what has been, and then engage in that wisdom to create a new what could be? Is it possible?
I love talking with people who know exactly what has gone wrong to bring them to their ‘now’ – and yet, they continue to do what they have always done, expecting to arrive at a new location in life. Hmmm! Interesting! I can say that in the many years I have been leading and coaching, I have yet to see someone take the same path and find themselves in a new location. My friends, that just is not going to happen!
Funny thing about ‘knowing exactly what has gone wrong’ – it is the exactly part that I often find we miss. You see, when I look at my exactly, I am looking through my filters. I cannot see clearly. My lens is clouded with my perceptions and I often miss the learning that will bring wisdom. It is not easy; nevertheless, it can be done with ease.
In the quote for this page, it states we are busy denying our mistakes. Ouch! And, yes! We make excuses (deny the truth) to justify why and how we came to this lot in life. This is how we miss the exactly and continue following that rut we created!
Sounds simple – just remove the filters, tell the truth and all will be well. Ahh…if only!
There we go again – and excuse (if only!). Do you see how quickly we can back away from moving forward?
Here is the assignment – take one simple, truthful look on one thing you said you would do that you didn’t. As soon as you come up with your ‘why’ (and it will likely happen immediately!) ask yourself this question – out loud – Is that the truth? Now, wait for it! You may need to ask that question two or three times! Is that the truth? You will know it is when you can say ‘no’ and there is no follow-up excuse! It is such a simple question, yet creating the ‘No (period)’ answer can be a difficult task! My experience has been the ‘no, but…’ comes several times before the ‘No (period)’!
When the answer comes, be gentle with yourself! It is an enormous step to acknowledge the truth and the first step in creating the wisdom and then the small, sweet action to ‘learn from my mistake and move forward’ in the life I’ll love to live.
You have your assignment – and I am here to support you. Go ahead! You will delight in the lift you feel, once you see the truth, overcome the denial and grow from the wisdom.
I’d love for you to share your success with me. And if you are experiencing a struggle with this – let me know. I can help!!